


You Gotta Realise Sometime

by LexaWard



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Forced Kiss just a warning, Kissing, M/M, Modern AU, Pining, Small Angst followed by Fluff, consensual kisses
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-09
Updated: 2020-07-09
Packaged: 2021-03-05 06:27:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,406
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25159984
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LexaWard/pseuds/LexaWard
Summary: It takes Molly a while to figure it out.
Relationships: Mollymauk Tealeaf/Caleb Widogast
Comments: 5
Kudos: 48





	You Gotta Realise Sometime

**Author's Note:**

> You ever try to write a fic and end up writing a love letter to your friends instead? I’ve had my main friendship group for the last 15 years since we were about 5, and when we went up to secondary school (11) I went to a different school to all of them and we grew apart but I was never fully out of the picture until I proper rejoined at around (16/17) and now we’re thick as thieves again but I missed so much in those 6 years and it’s funny because they’ve actually inserted me into their memories assuming I was there, but I feel it sometimes, the disconnect. They’ve never kept me out and I’m so damn happy I went back because they’ve done so much for me and we’re family. I love my friends so fucking much y’all.

Mollymauk was sat round a table pre-drinking at the pub with friends before hitting the clubs when they walked in. The Mighty Nein who he missed dearly and waved at them immediately, most returned the greeting in their own way except a couple which was to be understandable. Caleb because Molly had broken up with him a while ago and the man chose to duck his head and Nott glaring daggers instead.   
Molly paid no mind really, he hadn’t lost his friends in the Nein but he’d certainly been to less events; still that didn’t stop his social life. He was it with his theatre group at the moment all of them some form of intoxicated and he was loving life. No regrets over here. 

Jester and Yasha came over to talk and give him a hug because it had been a hot minute since he’d seen her while the rest broke off including a new taller firbolg and went to find a table.  
“How are you my dears?” He said standing and hugging them back.  
“Oh really swell! What have you been up to it’s been ages?” Jester asked her excitement palatable,  
“Oh this and that, living life to fullest you know me.” He winked back and looked at Yasha giving her another squeeze,  
“I swear you’ve gotten stronger, how’s my angel?” Yasha had definitely been the one he’d kept in most contact with talking over text at few times a week and meeting up for coffee to keep up but she’d stayed with the Nein as she was already dating Beau. Molly would never hold it against her and they both knew they were there if the other needed.  
“I have. I’ve been working out with Beau and Fjord.” She said in that gentle way of hers.  
“Still going strong then?” He grinned happy for her truly.  
“Well...we broke up.” Yasha said a strained but it was more like it was about telling him than the actual fact itself.  
“Oh darling, why didn’t you tell me?” Well that was weird, they’d only texted a few days ago.  
“It’s okay, it was mutual, we both had things to deal with and being together wasn’t helping. We’re close still.” She nodded contemplative as if she was afraid to say it and Molly understood, because he hadn’t stayed close, had he? He’d been gallivanting off and they’d been having adventures without him.   
“Ah. Well at least one of us can say that!” Molly laughed,  
“So Molly, you been up to anything good?” Jester said clearly changing the subject but she was loveable about it so he didn’t mind. Plus no time for deep conversations now, he’d have to remember to meet Yash later in the week.  
“Oh you know me Jess, I’m always bad.” He winked and made her laugh.  
“Nah, nothing much, just partying and living, you know me.” He added and flicked out his coat with a dramatic flourish he knew she loved.

The conversation was interrupted by Beau shouting impressively loud across the room,  
“Yo Jess, Yash, what drinks you want?!” She yelled above the hubbub and for a second Molly thought she was annoyed but as she held up her hand to draw their attention to her with a offhand shrugged look that stated “well?” he realised she was just being her asshole self. It made him laugh, he had missed them all.  
“HOT CHOCLATE!” Jester yelled back not missing a beat and Yasha much less controversial patted Molly on the shoulder,  
“I’m going to go tell her. See you later, Molly.”   
“Ta, ta, love.” He gave her a quick wave as she moved off.   
“Yeah, I should find the rest too, it was great seeing you Mols!” Jester waved as she left and Molly blew her a kiss. Mollymauk sat back down and joined whatever conversation his friends were having. For some reason it felt weird that Beau didn’t want his order but he didn’t dwell on it for too long jumping into a hefty argument over theatre in the round vs theatre in parallel.

Two weeks later Molly met up with Yasha for a coffee and to catch up. Their schedules finally lined up and Molly jumped at the chance to see her.   
“How’ve you been then?” Yasha asked as they sat down, her with a black coffee and him with a some ridiculously sweet monstrosity - a trait Jester had imparted on him.  
“Been alright, nothing new. Gearing up for the opening of the show next month.” He said leaning forward on his elbows.  
“Ah good.” She said sipping her coffee.  
“And you? How’s everything? You said you had some stuff to get through?” He asked concerned.  
“Ah it’s Obann...saw him again a few months ago.” Well shit, that was a lot to keep hidden from him.   
“Oh...how’d that go?” He asked and he wouldn’t lie to himself, he was a little hurt that she’d kept something so important a secret.  
“Badly. Fell back into old habits and it wasn’t until the Nein beat the utter shit of him that I snapped out of it.” She said nodding solemnly.  
“They’re good people.” She added with a small fond smile.  
“They took me back...” She said as if she was surprised. Molly wasn’t, who wouldn’t want Yasha.  
“Yeah, anyway, that kind of ruined everything with Beau, we had a talk when I got back and we both had shit we needed to work out so...it is better off as friends for right now.” Yasha nodded but Molly heard the tinge of sadness in her voice.  
“Yash I wish you’d told me...we only saw each other a month ago and we text all the time.” Molly didn’t understand, he would always be there for her, she knew that!  
“I’m sorry Molly but you were so excited about your trip to Rexxentrum, I didn’t want to dampen it.” Yasha was holding her cup in both hands and suddenly she looked much smaller than he’d ever thought.  
“You can always tell me anything. I’m your best friend.” He said holding her wrist gently.  
“Just seemed easier to pretend I wasn’t a mess.” Yasha gave a depreciating laugh.   
“It always is, you don’t have to pretend for me.” He told her with a smile.  
“And you for me.” He grabbed her hand and held it.  
“So tell me, what’ve you been up post-Obann?” He asked to lighten the mood. Yasha took the bait gratefully and they got into catching up and talking what they’d been doing recently. 

It struck Molly that it’d been a while since they’d been so open and laughed so easily with each other. Before he’d chalked it up to her feeling guilty for being friends with him and the Nein but he realised that was selfish, it was because of Obann, the bastard. He’d been blind to it and that was something he couldn’t abide. He’d have to make more of an effort.

Mollymauk did make more of an effort, he invited her out more, and they started going round each other’s flats more often. Of course that meant he met the Nein more often which was never a bad thing and before he knew it they were all hanging out again. Nott was still cold to him but Caleb was amiable, they didn’t exactly talk one-on-one anymore but it’s not like they couldn’t be in the same room as each other. 

That’s when he realised there was a problem, really, when everything was good and he was with his real friends again. He started realising what he’d missed by being so blasé about seeing them. He’d missed so much, Yasha under Obann’s thumb, Fjord telling his shitty employer to fuck off, meeting Caduceus, Beau’s abusive parents, Caleb’s entire school life under Trent, the fact that Nott was now Veth, Jester had even found her dad! Molly only heard snippets of all of this, and managed to piece together most of it but there’s a difference between the bonds made from living it and retelling it. He’d really missed this group and none of his other relationships really compared, he loved them so much and decided he would show it with every single moment he could from now on.

He loved them and he made sure to show it, he spent as much time as possible with them, loved unconditionally and made sure they knew if they ever needed him he was there for them. Then there was Caleb. It was difficult, the break-up had been odd, he’d explained that he wasn’t ready for a relationship and wanted freedom Caleb had accepted it without a fight. Almost like he’d been expecting it and had already had the conversation with himself and now was just repeating a monologue he’d pre-written. Honestly Mollymauk hadn’t thought much of it at the time, he asked for cake and got to eat it too. Caleb has never pushed him away but he’d pulled anyway and it was only Molly’s fault he’d missed so much. Only Caleb was the best Ex he’d ever had, never gave his many conquests side eye or many snarky comments. He’d moved on, Molly reasoned and there should be no tension between them. So, why was there? 

He never left himself alone with Caleb because whenever he did he found himself almost vibrating with some unspoken conversation he had no idea what topic was. There was an awkwardness to their interactions which outwardly must’ve seemed fine like two friends just talking but to Molly there was this palpable /something/ he couldn’t put a name to. 

Mollymauk has done a grand job at avoiding being alone with Caleb for about four months when it just so happened that he was waiting for Jester the same time Caleb was waiting for Beau at their flat and they had to doing this on purpose because it’d been ten minutes. Caleb had been sat with a leg up on the sofa his back against the armrest reading while Molly perched a little awkwardly (but he was making it work) on the stool by the breakfast island his leg bouncing with restlessness because god he was going to scream. Caleb wasn’t even acknowledging him, he felt like a toddler being ignored and he fucking hated it. Especially since he’d been ignored since entering the flat except Jester telling him to wait. Why was it so awkward?  
“God what is your fucking problem?” He snapped and Caleb jolted in surprise. Finally, a reaction.  
“Um...what?” He asked clearly confused.  
“I’ve been here for like half an hour and you haven’t even looked up.” Molly enlightened him haughtily. He really sounded like a prick, his mind processed but too late, he’d said it and meant it.  
“Twelve minutes...I’m reading...?” Caleb, clearly not getting it waved his book weakly and nonplussed.  
“Oh I’m so sorry for interrupting you. Why don’t you go back to being a twat? I’ll be right here.” Where did that come from?! Dear, gods, shut up.  
“No. What did I do?” Caleb asked getting angry himself. The quiet way his voice levels out and he tenses his shoulders, like a volcano about to erupt.  
“I’m just saying, ignoring your friend is fucking rude.” Pot called kettle much, too late now he was irate and wrong too; time to double down.  
“Oh it’s rude is it?” Caleb asked a little incredulously.  
“Yes.” Molly snapped petulantly getting off the stool as Caleb snapped his book closed.  
“Like you’ve been ignoring me for the past four months? How every time I’m in the room I’m invisible, don’t think I haven’t fucking noticed Mollymauk.” It was a question but left no room for an answer, Molly tried anyway,  
“That’s not-“ Molly didn’t get to finish before the book was slammed onto the coffee table in front of Caleb.  
“Not, fucking, what?” Caleb dared him.  
“No, you don’t get to do this.” He carried on without pause.   
“You do not get to be angry at me. You don’t get to make me fight for your attention. You broke up with me. So you can fuck the fuck off!” He was shouting now swearing without thought to its meaning, it didn’t matter,  
“Beau I’ll be outside!” He shouted as he grabbed his bag and stormed to the door.

Mollymauk, in all his current wisdom, panicked because this wasn’t him, this was whatever tension he couldn’t stop thinking about, this was the elephant in the room. It was Caleb walking away angry and it was him in the wrong. It wasn’t Mollymauk which is why he very artlessly flung himself after Caleb, slammed the door shut with his hand and shouldered Caleb into the door.  
“What the fu-“ Mollymauk kissed Caleb.

Ah.

The cake is a lie.

He didn’t get to eat it. 

He pulled away because he either wanted all or nothing with Caleb and thought he wanted nothing.

Buts gods, was he a fool. He wanted all.

The kiss didn’t last long, maybe only five seconds and that was only because it took that long for Caleb to get over the shock of it and then promptly slap the absolute shit out of Molly’s face.

Molly stumbled to the side from the unexpected force of it and made a noise he wasn’t proud of. Honestly, he wasn’t proud of anything right now, he didn’t even know what he was going to do next. Both of them looked at each other, Caleb still rightfully furious and Molly holding his cheek as he realised just what he’d done. 

Suddenly it got very tight around his neck as his collar was yanked back by a very strong blue hand.  
“Did you just kiss Caleb?” She asked and it turns out Jester is absolutely terrifying when she’s angry.  
“I, well...” Molly didn’t really know what to say. Jester was pulling him back and Beau inserted herself between them, a veritable force of nature between them.  
“God’s Molly I know you got a crush on him but that doesn’t mean you can just force yourself on him!”   
“Shit...” He didn’t want to be that person, the kind of puts themselves first, that hurts the people he cares about, but here he was, one of them.  
“Caleb, I’m sorry.” Molly said looking over. Beau was huddled up in front of him, big sister mode engaged and she glowered at Molly.  
“That’s fucked up, dude.” She said sternly and Molly could only stare at Caleb who was holding his hands together.   
“Caleb, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean any of that shit I said and I didn’t want you to leave. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.” Molly spewed out trying to get it through because he didn’t want this.  
“I need a minute...?” Caleb asked Beau and like it was practiced, Jester pulled Molly to the kitchen while Beau bundled Caleb into her room.

Jester comforted him for a bit and it didn’t take long for him to calm down, just steady breaths in and out. Molly wasn’t the one hurt in this situation. Caleb was. It didn’t quell the panic in his gut that he’d fucked everything up. He collected himself and knocked gently on Beau’s door.

“Hey...Mr Caleb...clearly I have some shit to sort out. Um...I’m sorry. For getting angry and kissing you. I just,” He shook his head, no excuses.  
“I’m sorry.” He states again,  
“I’ll go back to avoiding you and maybe things can go back to normal...” he promises because what else can he do but give the man space,  
“Let me know if that changes, or if you need more space...or...anything.” He felt so lame but that was the best he could do. 

He picked up his stuff and Jester grabbed her purse,  
“You’re still coming?” Molly asked surprised.  
“Yeah, you shouldn’t be alone right now either and he’s got Beau.” Jester nodded hitting him in the arm, definitely something she picked up from Beau.  
“Thanks Jess...” He said rubbing his arm as she turned her back.  
“You’re a dumbass, he knows that. He’ll probably forgive you.” She added after a moment of him staring at Beau’s closed silent door.  
“Probably...hopefully. Hey can we go get coffee and pastries instead, I don’t feel like shopping.” Molly said holding the bridge of his nose as if he could will this away.  
“Yeah let’s go Caduceus’s!” Jester said in that upbeat way she used when she wanted to lift spirits.  
“Yeah.” Molly nodded giving her a small smile as they walked downstairs.  
“Hey Jess...why didn’t anyone tell me I wanted Caleb?” Molly asked as they got to pavement and started walking in the Blooming Grove’s direction.  
“Dude, we thought you know, like, you got all nervous and ducked by Yasha whenever he came in the door, and like, when he got close you made some stupid excuse to walk five years away...pretty obvious.” Jester said and shrugged because it was so obvious when you looked at it.  
“I’m so dumb...” Molly scrubbed his hands across his face as he thought retroactively about all the moments when he’d practically fled from Caleb because that feeling was so strong he had to get away from it. He’d wanted so many times to do something when that happened he just didn’t realise something meant throw himself at Caleb.  
“...yeah...” Jester pat him on the shoulder   
“I fucked everything up too.” He said   
“Yeah...” Jester agreed readily which he didn’t like but it was true.  
“But hey! On the bright side you know what’s wrong now, you can deal with it!” She said postively and Molly had to laugh, although he wanted to lock himself away and not deal with it. Maybe it would go away if he ignored it. A damn lie he knew but a tiefling could hope. 

Jester and Molly talked for a bit and soon changed the topic to lighten to mood and just like that he could live in the moment again and not worry about things such as matters of the heart for a moment. Then they said goodbye and he decided to walk home rather than get the tube because he felt like he deserved the punishment.

As he walked Mollymauk thought back on it, he’d broken up with Caleb, if he was being honest, because he realised he was getting too attached. He would freely love his friends unabashedly but then he’d asked Caleb out, originally for a one night stand, as was his custom. Then the next day he’d hadn’t left till gone noon. He’d chalked it up to laziness at the time but soon enough he was spending the time he could with the man. They’d never officially committed to each other but Molly didn’t really need anyone else when Caleb left his bed warm and his life warmer. 

Then Molly had been out one night and after begging Caleb to come and the other stating he was tired he realised everything wasn’t so fun without him. He couldn’t do what he normally would which was get drunk and have sex so instead he got drunk and woke up with the worst hangover miserable. He realised while feeling sorry for himself that he could’ve had a much better night if he wasn’t with Caleb, which then made him realise he was /with/ Caleb. Mollymauk cared for him of course but an entire relationship? No, he wanted his freedom too much.

No, that was bullshit. It wasn’t freedom. It was selfishness. He wanted to be selfish and not have to answer any consequences. That’s what he wanted. So he did. He broke up with Caleb and pulled back, initially to give him room but really it was because the less time he spent with him the easier it was to forget just how much he enjoyed being with Caleb. 

He forgot how much he liked about Caleb and while they hadn’t been alone together they’ve been together with the group and like a moth to a flame Molly realised he hadn’t been able to help himself. Laughing at Caleb’s jokes like they were the funniest thing ever, watch him when the other wasn’t watching, make excuses to get close and then away again when he realised he was to close. His fingers twitched with the phantom itch to hold Caleb and he shook his hand out before shoving them into his pockets. 

He must’ve looked awful, he certainly felt it. He’d treated Caleb terribly and his whole edict in life is to leave things better than you found them. Well he’d royally screwed the pooch on this one, hadn’t he?

Nevertheless he’d made his bed and he wasn’t one to not sleep in it. With aching feet at having walked for hours in heels he trudged up the stairs to his studio flat, resigned to either pass out in the shower or maybe he might make it to the bed. Who knows? 

Except.

Mollymauk stopped at the corner of his hallway looking at the hunched form in front of his door.

“Caleb?” Truly, Molly had never been more confused in his entire life and that includes the time an old hag had cast confusion on him.

Caleb snapped his head up from his book and slipped it away before standing up and staring at him. Molly came forward tentatively; ambush? Maybe Beau was about two feet from decking him...or Veth...maybe she was about to shoot him. He was being ridiculous he was aware but it was mainly due to the perplexing reality of having Caleb before him.

“I don’t want you to ignore me.” Caleb confessed not meeting Molly’s eyes which was one of the worst things about the break up entirely, Caleb hadn’t looked at him head on since. Molly missed those eyes like a parched plant missed water.   
“What do you want then?” Molly asked, not defensively, it was a genuine plea of ‘how do I make this better for you?’ but Caleb huffed anyway and pursed his lips,  
“What do you want?” He retorted it like the words left a bitter taste in his mouth and Molly flinched.  
“I...” It was a good start, strong really. But unfortunately he didn’t know how to finish it.  
“Don’t know...” He sighed scrunching up his eyes because was he really this bad at romance? Just tell him how you feel!

Caleb scowled and it clearly wasn’t the right answer. Of course it wasn’t.   
“Right. Let me know when you work it out.” And with that he held his head up, turned on his heel and headed towards the opposite hallways staircase so he didn’t have to pass Molly.  
“No wait!” Molly made to move forward but he wasn’t going to make the same dumbass move again and so rooted himself to the spot. Caleb stopped but didn’t turn around,  
“I always end up watching you leave. I hate it.” Molly confessed and folded his arms more to hug himself than anything else. Caleb turned around again and mimicked him but his was more defensive, more tense.  
“What do you want from me?” He tried again and Molly stared there trying to say anything that wasn’t ‘I don’t know’ again and a pregnant pause Caleb shrugged his shoulders and raised his eyebrows,  
“Well? Do you want to be together, do you want to hate each other, do you want to be fuck buddies? What Mollymauk? Because what we’re doing isn’t working and something needs to change before one of us attacks the other again.” Mollymauk flinched because he did do that didn’t he.  
“Well?” Caleb snapped less patient this time.  
“I want you!” Molly burst out,  
“but you’re gonna want me when I’ve treated you like this, are you?” Molly asked desperately holding himself a bit tighter. Caleb dropped his arms the tension relaxing.  
“Then have me. You’ve done everything else you wanted why draw the line here?” Caleb asked, there was a moment of silent awe as Molly gormlessly stared at him. Could he really be saying...?

Caleb sighed and walked up to him and took his hands pulling them to his chest,  
“Kiss me.” He said like it was the most mundane thing to ask of Molly. As if he hadn’t just given this purple idiot the keys to the castle. Molly pushed forward and pressed his lips to Caleb’s and he wished this had been the first kiss they’d had in months because this was the absolute best kiss he’d could’ve wished for. A gentle press of lips with hands clasped together and eyes closed. 

Then Caleb pushed him back, not harshly, just enough to make him move away.   
“I’m still mad at you.” Caleb said and Molly felt himself physically deflate, was that it, just the one kiss? Then Caleb cupped his face and stroked his cheek. Oh this was much better than being slapped.   
“You can make it up to me by taking me out for dinner tomorrow at seven.” Well, that perked him right back up, his tail even started swaying back and forth.  
“And ask next time.” He added finally pulling away and stepping back.  
“Can I kiss you again?” Molly asked before he could really stop himself from coming off as desperate, because we was, in fact, desperate.  
“No.” Caleb teased, he stopped himself from smiling and stepped around Molly to get to the staircase.  
“I’ll see you tomorrow.” He promised and Molly nodded,  
“Okay, tomorrow.” He said holding onto the hope that this was really happening and regrettably watched Caleb leave. He’d already lost so much time to his own selfishness and now he was being given a second chance. He’ll be a damned man in the seventh hell if he wasn’t going to take it. 

All he had to do was not mess everything up again. 

After that they came back together again and they had fights, and went on dates with good days and bad days. Mollymauk asked every single time if he could kiss his boyfriend...fiancé...husband...and it never got old and almost always worked. Caleb did much the same and Molly hadn’t said no yet because he really always did want to kiss him.

If he was being honest, completely and truly honest, he had gotten the cake and could eat it too, he just needed to learn how to share.

**Author's Note:**

> While writing this I realised it was going to be really angsts if I kept it up and so I decided to delete, back-track and then re-write something much more fluffy. That’s self-care, y’all. 
> 
> Hope you liked it ^.^


End file.
